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SEX STUFF -
Continued from Episode 01
01. Patrick and Robin in the couch, where they've been fooling around.
02. Shirtless Patrick.
03. Nice push-up bra, Robin.
04. Shirtless intern.
05. Blond bimbette with bouncy boobs in a red bra. And let's not
forget the panties. I want her to go bowling in that bra, and bad.
Notice how they keep having her move up and down, so that you think
there might even be a chance that she'll fall out of the bra. Up and
down; up and down.
06. And now we have to listen to "does she have to dress like a
prostitute" and the guy who can't have a conversation without
touching his crotch.
07. The woman Epiphany pulls out of the car just has to have her boobs
practically falling out of her dress.
08. Hey Blondie? HEY BLONDIE???? Shove it up your ass, Julian. And
what Claire SHOULD have said was, "HEY AFRO", and made it
clear that Blondie was a sexist term I would not tolerate, and he
better clean up his act or he'll find himself in from of the
administration on a daily basis.
09. Jagger has to walk out of Robin's bedroom in a towel.
10. Patrick has to remind Jagger to put on some pants.
11. Dr. Hewitt Look-alike has got to be in the dressing room with only
a bra and panties.
12. She's putting her clothes on. Oh my god, we have no semi-naked
person on the screen. HURRY! So now Julian has got to take off his
shirt.
13. If Julian's pants were any lower, it might not make it through the
censors, assuming there are any anymore.
14. So we finally have our token gay guy, who just happens to be
Julian's brother.
15. And we end as we started, with Robin straddling Patrick on the
couch.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
16. Once again we have Claire dressing.
17. And there's Kyle dressing, and talking about urination, with his
pants practically down to his knees.
18. Straight men should not be allowed to live in an unsupervised
environment.
19. And let's not forget that daring and fascinating discussion
regarding the varied uses of lotion.
20. I'd give my left breast for an apartment with hardwood floors.
Honey, if that's an equitable trade for you, you are really dumber
than you look.
21. And now Afro and Jennifer Love are discussing rushing off to a
certain very private supply closet on the third floor. (Incidentally,
if I were her, I'd ask just how he knows about that third floor
closet).
22. And now we have our obligatory naked patient.
23. And now we have our naked patient showing us just about everything
he can with that gown still on.
24. And exactly who gave the Chief of Staff the right to say about the
intern in the room with them, "Dr. (whatever) still has a couple
of hours left on her shift, but if you're still conscious when she
gets off I'm sure she'd be happy to join you." EXCUSE ME?
25. Patrick says to Robin, "Why don't you and me go to my office
for a pastrami sandwich." And of course Robin has to say,
"is that what they're calling it these days."
26. There's Julian without his shirt again.
27. A little nookie in the Chief of Staff's office.
28. And now we have to wonder if Julian is going into a room first so
his ass came be admired properly.
29. And what would another episode be like without more of Jagger with
no shirt, which once again Patrick has to point out to him. If I were
Patrick, I'd make some comment about how he seems to be quite an
exhibitionist, since practically every time they see him he's walking
around preening without his shirt. Patrick, ask him if he kisses
himself occasionally because he thinks he's so beautiful.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
30. Leo without his shirt.
31. "You realize I'm not going to have sex with you," says
Lyle to blondie.
32. Of course the show ends with Curly Boy and Dr. Jennifer ripping
each other's clothes off in the dressing room. Why does it always have
to end like this? Can't two people just agree to hate each other?
TOTAL MEDICAL
NONSENSE - Continued from Episode 01
01. HEAD NURSES DO NOT HIRE ORDERLIES. And I don't care what Dr. Ford
expects by the end of the week.
02. Evidently the medical consultant didn't realize that when patients
rip the leads off their body, the monitor should go blooey. At least,
THE MONITOR SHOULD STOP. But Robin pulls all the wires off, and the
monitor keeps going as though she had done nothing.
03. FELLOWS NEVER TELL OFF ATTENDINGS, nor do they try and make them
look stupid. If I were Julian, I'd let Miss Priss know that the next
time she purposely tried to make me look foolish in front of my
students, she'd be out of here in 24 hours. Understand the hierarchy:
Attending, Fellow, Resident, Intern, Medical Student. The truth is
that the REAL hospital community considers this hierarchy sacred, and
people who violate it by being assholes to the people above them,
don't last long, no matter how cute they are. I'd send her packing,
with a letter/email to the people who gave her the Fellowship, and
after I was done, she'd be in all kinds of heavy shit.
04. STERNAL THUMPS DON'T WORK. I know in this case our Hewitt
look-alike was lucky. But take a lifesaving course called
"ADVANCED CARDIAC LIFE SUPPORT CLASS", and they tell you
point-blank not to use external thumps because they are extremely
unreliable.
05. And as long as we're on this subject, even if the thump works,
NOBODY just opens their eyes and starts moving around like nothing
happened. That's ridiculous.
06. INTERNS DON'T GO AROUND LOOKING FOR STUFF TO DO. Interns have
enough on their plate the way it is. And if they do decide they want
to scrub in on something, they ask their attending first. Julian is
right when he says they have no business volunteering for anything.
And when the intern says that it was "slow in the ER", I
would have come down on him like a ton of bricks. "Who in the
hell are you to make the determination of whether it's slow in the ER?
And what happens when a half hour from now it's a madhouse, but you're
too busy volunteering up here?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
07. HOSPITALS DON'T ALLOW INTERNS AND ATTENDINGS TO BE RELATED. This
whole thing is ludicrous. Can you image how much liability the
hospital would set itself up for if it allowed interns to be taught by
their relatives? For example, it's one thing when they hate each
other, but let's look at the opposite situation. Let's suppose the
brothers really liked each other. The rest of the people in the
program would CONSTANTLY be going to the administration complaining
that the attending was once again showing favoritism to his brother.
There's no way a hospital would do this.
08. NO ONE GETS A BP IN 5 SECONDS. If you watch carefully, you'll see
that they put the little girl down, Epiphany doesn't even put the cuff
on, and in 5 seconds or less Epiphany is saying she can't get a blood
pressure. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T.
09. The we have Patrick screaming for blood. How's he going to get the
blood into her WHEN THERE'S NO IV?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
10. When the EMT on the job makes more medical sense in ten seconds
than the whole show has for over a year, you know you've got to revamp
something.
11. SHUT UP, ROBYN. IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO INTUBATE SOMEONE
WHEN THEY'RE SEIZING. Who in the hell is the medical consultant on
this program anyway?
12. On the other hand, that was an excellent explanation of an
intercranial shunt.
13. No matter how cool it is for television to have Patrick operating
on Robyn's father, that would never be allowed in a big city hospital.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
01.
You know, when I saw the commercials for this week’s NIGHTSHAFT, I
just sighed, hoping the real thing would be better than the junk I was
watching. It wasn’t.
02.
THE AWARD OF THE EPISODE GOES TO THE EMT, WHO SHOWED MORE MEDICAL
KNOWLEDGE IN 10 SECONDS THAN THIS WHOLE SHOW HAS IN OVER A YEAR.
03. What kind of IDIOT names a girl after Dale Ernhardt. Frankly, I
don’t care if you speak about him with the same reverence as the
Virgin Mary. The kid is NOT going to be named Dale. The only Dale I
can think of was Dale Evans. Great lady. If you don’t know anything
about her and Roy Rogers and the TONS of abused and handicapped
children they adopted and took care of, then you better up your
knowledge quotient. Any time you spent reading about these two
absolutely terrific human beings would be better spent than watching
this show.
04.
And while we’re on the subject, naming a kid something just because
it’s FRENCH is about as stupid as naming a girl Dale. How about
naming the kid French for “slop soup”, or the favorite in my LSD
days: what’s French for “Ice cream has bones”?
05.
Enter Robert Scorpio, the great spy, saver of the planet. Okay, I
understand he’s having head problems, but no super spy is supposed
to lay in an emergency room yapping his mouth off about where he’s
been and what’s he been doing.
@ “If
I can deal with Congolese rebels, I can deal with a little blood in
the gut.”
@ “You (Jagoff) got me
into this mess.”
@ “If you had just left
well enough alone, I would have made the rendezvous point.”
06. Speaking of Jagoff, what in the world is the FBI doing around
Robert Scorpio. Scorpio belongs to an organization that has nothing to
do with the FBI. They probably hate the FBI as much as the FBI hates
them. THESE ORGANIZATIONS NEVER WORK TOGETHER, NEVER PLAY NICE, NEVER
HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT EACH OTHER UNLESS IT’S DEROGATORY. So how
did Jagoff know where Scorpio was? Note that when Scorpio says, “You
got me into this mess,” he’s not talking about the Congo; he was
talking about the hospital. And where was Scorpio’s destination when
he crashed? Are we supposed to believe that he was going from the
Congo to Port Charles? I suppose if there were a way to prove that the
injury to his head made him think Robyn was little again and someone
was after her, then maybe he might try to get to Port Charles. But
we’re never told that. AND FRANKLY, IF YOU WORK FOR A WORLDWIDE
ORGANIZATION, CALL SOMEONE AND SEND HIM OR HER OUT TO PROTECT YOUR
KID. This kind of thing always makes me nuts. Person X discovers that
his wife or kid or someone is in serious trouble. So instead of
calling someone who can be there in minutes, Person X goes racing off
to save them himself, even though he’s hours away and can’t
possibly get there in time.
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07.
See, this is what pisses me off about the writers. They just say
stuff, never explaining how they get from point a to point b. I think
it’s because they don’t have explanations, and aren’t interested
in taking the time to make us understand. Let me give you another
example. Robert doesn’t recognize Robyn. Then he has this seizure,
and surgery, and suddenly he acts like he never didn’t know her.
Why? Robyn could have been there when he woke up. He could have said
her name, and looked confused, and she could have told him they’d
talk when he’s rested. Patrick would have been there, of course, and
as they leave, he could have explained that the surgery to remove
fluid on the brain, gave him some relief and the ability to recognize
people he knew. BUT SEE, WHEN HE SEES JAGOFF, HE YELLS AT HIM THAT HE
GOT HIM INTO THIS MESS. HE DOESN’T SEEM TO HAVE ANY PROBLEM
RECOGNIZING JAGOFF, so why can’t he recognize his own kid?
08.
Hey Robyn, there isn’t a week that goes by that you don’t piss me
off about something, and this week is no different. Unless you have a
black belt that I’m not aware of, what in the HELL are you doing in
that examining room with Epiphany and 4 or 5 men? First of all, you
know as his daughter you have no business in there. Secondly, use your
head. This guy is totally out of control, even for a bunch of strong
guys. He’s flailing his arms around, and did you notice that at
least one time one of the men was pushed out of the way? What if that
man had accidentally been pushed into you, Robyn? What if that guy on
the gurney becomes a real idiot and kicks you in the stomach? If
you’re wondering why Patrick wants you to go on maternity leave (or
whatever), pay attention to your own behavior. If I were COS, I’d
tell you that the next time you put yourself in that situation, you
will be removed from ER duty, and be put someplace where that kind of
horrible accident can’t happen. If you aren’t willing to think of
your child first, then someone else has got to do it for you.
09. I just love it when doctors
have THEIR OWN RELATIVES in the hospital. They act like total assholes
– far worse than any normal person. First of all, as his daughter,
Robyn has no business even being in that room. AND FINALLY SOMETHING
AUTHORITATIVE FROM PATRICK when he orders Toussaint to get her out of
there. She being of absolutely NO HELP, trying to intubate her father.
She’s kicking and screaming and demanding that they do something –
behavior that would never be tolerated by a normal person. And if that
wasn’t enough to make you fast forward, the performing an
appendectomy on himself with a rusty steak knife bullshit should have
done it for sure.
10.
I’ve heard of stupid stuff, But Curly Boy saying he PROBABLY could
have handled things a lot better is like Hitler admitting he probably
could have done better with the Jewish population. I went back to his
tirade last week. I tried to find one single thing that he didn’t
utterly and totally screw up. I was not successful. But it did produce
a good line: “Thanks, but I don’t need your permission to think
you’re an ass.”
11.
So naturally Curly Boy compounds the situation by whining and moaning
because Dr. Jennifer Love Hewitt isn’t falling at his feet in
forgiveness. “You’re not going to make this easy, are you?” NO
YOU ASSHOLE. I could say I’m going to make it as hard for you as you
did for those poor parents you SCREAMED at and accused of horrible
things. But instead, I’m going to say this: I’m not going to make
it easy; in fact, I’m GOING TO MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE.
12.
Robyn, why are you talking to the woman who betrayed your confidence,
and went to Curly Boy with your story about the Chinese girl? I would
tell her never to come near me again, since I know now that she can
never be trusted with any secret. I would never again feel comfortable
around her.
13.
Now I want to take a few minutes to discuss this crap going on with
Curly Boy, our ER Attending who USED TO BE A CARDIOLOGIST. How does
that happen? You don’t just go from a Cardiologist to an ER
Attending, just like you don’t go from Plastic Surgeon to
Oncologist, no matter what they try and tell you.
@ HEY, Curly Boy, Wake Up! Haven’t you ever heard of false
pregnancy? I have, and I haven’t spent a day in medical school.
Actually, as your stupidity increases, I’m beginning to think you
didn’t spend very much time there yourself. Don’t show your
obvious ignorance. If the ultrasound tech says that woman isn’t
pregnant, she isn’t pregnant.
@ NEXT: when a woman’s water breaks, you jerk, you don’t look
grossed out and disgusted. Where did you get your training? Auschwitz?
@ NEXT: when a woman has a false pregnancy, you don’t go into the
main lobby bitching at the top of your lungs that you don’t want to
treat whack jobs. Well, guess what, Curly Boy? I hate to be the one to
break this to you, but you are the biggest whack job at that hospital,
and that’s saying something. Next to you, that woman is the epitome
of mental health. And also, NO ONE SAYS YOU HAVE TO TREAT WHACK JOBS.
Wake up! All you need to do is stop whining and request a psych
consult. Then she’s no longer your problem.
@ NEXT: Who are you to go around yelling that this woman is “doing
this” because she either wants attention, or she’s clinically
insane? We’ve already dealt with the fact that you’re not
qualified to make such a statement, and that’s what psych consults
are for. But what exactly is she “doing”? Anyone who can get her
body to pretend – FOR NINE MONTHS – that it’s going to have a
baby, including the breaking of water, has an amazingly powerful
ability to create reality. You could learn a lot from this woman.
14.
I HOPE YOUR NEXT CASE IS A STIGMATA CASE.
15.
So as long as we’re on this subject, let’s stay here for a minute.
Now look, folks. This is not the 1800’s. While the hysterical
pregnancy is a good story line, it’s absurd in this day and age to
think that she can keep that information from her husband. She says,
and it looks like, this guy really wants a child. If that’s the case
(and in actually we have no evidence to prove it is; all we have is a
man saying nice things to his wife), then why didn’t this guy ever
demand to go with her to the doctor? Didn’t he ever ask to see the
ultrasounds?
16.
Finally, let’s tack this subject about how this woman shouldn’t be
afraid to tell her husband BECAUSE IT WASN’T REALLY HER “FAULT”.
Dr. Jennifer, you don’t get it. You tell her she’s not to blame;
that her parents made her get the abortion. THAT’S NOT THE POINT.
While the abortion may not have been her “fault”, what led
up to it sure was. If she hadn’t gotten herself knocked up, if she
hadn’t screwed some guy she had no business screwing, she wouldn’t
have had to have the abortion in the first place. I NEVER RECALL HER
SAYING she was raped, or that her father or an uncle took advantage of
her. So what do you expect her husband to say? “Oh, husband, there
hasn’t been a child. I’m crazy and I created one to take the place
of the one I aborted when I fucked some guy and got pregnant when I
was 14.”
17.
Now let’s talk about the woman who’s had a period for over two
months. Of course she hasn’t bothered to seek medical help. HAVE YOU
EVER HEARD OF THE INTERNET? Web MD? And I almost fell out of my chair
when she talks about how tired she is all the time. Well, duh, ya
think that might happen when someone is losing blood for over two
months?
18.
Now for some general stuff:
@ Now we have Blondie getting mad at Kyle, and so what does she do?
EXACTLY what we’d expect from a dumb blonde – she starts getting
terse and exasperated with the patient, probably because all she (and
he, now) wants to do is bitch about living with each other. IS THIS
SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY? IT ISN’T.
@ SO NATURALLY ROBYN doesn’t have the guts to follow through with
what she should KNOW is a problem Stone is having. She tells Jagoff
daddy she’s “SORRY SHE OVERSTEPPED?” Excuse me? She didn’t
overstep; something is clearly wrong with that child, and IGNORING it
solves nothing. After all, it’s not like she, with no medical
qualifications whatsoever, was at the shopping mall, and just came up
to some guy and started ragging on him about his kid. She’s a
doctor. The kid was staying with her. The kid, IN HER PRESENCE,
exhibited behavior that SCREAMED there was something wrong. So
naturally, her next move is to apologize. Bullshit.
@ This guy is a real jerk. He tells Robyn he’s moving back to Port
Charles. What …did he think every doctor in Port Charles was
suddenly going to get stupid, and never see that something is wrong
with his kid? So now that they “know”, he’s going to take off,
EVEN THOUGH HE SAID THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH THE KID. If there’s
nothing REALLY wrong with the kid, then why is getting out of town as
fast as he can? And who’s going to suffer? The poor kid, of course.
If you had any guts Robyn, You’d do what I said: Jagoff either gets
help for that child, or you’re calling the FBI and telling them
Jagoff Is endangering the health and well being of his son.
19.
So Jagoff has finally admitted that there is something wrong with
Stone. Okay, so now I go back to calling him Jagger, because fair is
fair.
20.
NATURALLY WE HAD TO END NIGHTSHAFT WITH CURLY BOY AND DR. JENNIFER
ripping each other’s clothes off in the dressing room. How
disappointing.
21.
Finally, we keep being told that NIGHTSHAFT and GENERAL HOSPITAL are
not going to be working at cross-purposes.
@ So why hasn’t Anna, who when last seen was fooling around with
Noah in one of the supply closets, come to visit Robert? Or if she
doesn’t want anything to do with him, she certainly should have been
there to support Robyn.
@ Patrick is supposed to be Chief of Staff/COS. So why isn’t he COS
on GH? And don’t tell me he is, because then I’m going to demand
that you show me all the things he’s done as COS, and I can count
those on one fist.
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