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SEX STUFF -
Continued from Episode 01
01. Patrick and Robin in the couch, where they've been fooling around.
02. Shirtless Patrick.
03. Nice push-up bra, Robin.
04. Shirtless intern.
05. Blond bimbette with bouncy boobs in a red bra. And let's not
forget the panties. I want her to go bowling in that bra, and bad.
Notice how they keep having her move up and down, so that you think
there might even be a chance that she'll fall out of the bra. Up and
down; up and down.
06. And now we have to listen to "does she have to dress like a
prostitute" and the guy who can't have a conversation without
touching his crotch.
07. The woman Epiphany pulls out of the car just has to have her boobs
practically falling out of her dress.
08. Hey Blondie? HEY BLONDIE???? Shove it up your ass, Julian. And
what Claire SHOULD have said was, "HEY AFRO", and made it
clear that Blondie was a sexist term I would not tolerate, and he
better clean up his act or he'll find himself in from of the
administration on a daily basis.
09. Jagger has to walk out of Robin's bedroom in a towel.
10. Patrick has to remind Jagger to put on some pants.
11. Dr. Hewitt Look-alike has got to be in the dressing room with only
a bra and panties.
12. She's putting her clothes on. Oh my god, we have no semi-naked
person on the screen. HURRY! So now Julian has got to take off his
shirt.
13. If Julian's pants were any lower, it might not make it through the
censors, assuming there are any anymore.
14. So we finally have our token gay guy, who just happens to be
Julian's brother.
15. And we end as we started, with Robin straddling Patrick on the
couch.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
16. Once again we have Claire dressing.
17. And there's Kyle dressing, and talking about urination, with his
pants practically down to his knees.
18. Straight men should not be allowed to live in an unsupervised
environment.
19. And let's not forget that daring and fascinating discussion
regarding the varied uses of lotion.
20. I'd give my left breast for an apartment with hardwood floors.
Honey, if that's an equitable trade for you, you are really dumber
than you look.
21. And now Afro and Jennifer Love are discussing rushing off to a
certain very private supply closet on the third floor. (Incidentally,
if I were her, I'd ask just how he knows about that third floor
closet).
22. And now we have our obligatory naked patient.
23. And now we have our naked patient showing us just about everything
he can with that gown still on.
24. And exactly who gave the Chief of Staff the right to say about the
intern in the room with them, "Dr. (whatever) still has a couple
of hours left on her shift, but if you're still conscious when she
gets off I'm sure she'd be happy to join you." EXCUSE ME?
25. Patrick says to Robin, "Why don't you and me go to my office
for a pastrami sandwich." And of course Robin has to say,
"is that what they're calling it these days."
26. There's Julian without his shirt again.
27. A little nookie in the Chief of Staff's office.
28. And now we have to wonder if Julian is going into a room first so
his ass came be admired properly.
29. And what would another episode be like without more of Jagger with
no shirt, which once again Patrick has to point out to him. If I were
Patrick, I'd make some comment about how he seems to be quite an
exhibitionist, since practically every time they see him he's walking
around preening without his shirt. Patrick, ask him if he kisses
himself occasionally because he thinks he's so beautiful.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
30. Leo without his shirt.
31. "You realize I'm not going to have sex with you," says
Lyle to blondie.
32. Of course the show ends with Curly Boy and Dr. Jennifer ripping
each other's clothes off in the dressing room. Why does it always have
to end like this? Can't two people just agree to hate each other?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
33. Blondie to Kyle: "Someone needs a refresher course on what
sex looks like, because it doesn't look like this."
34. Blondie to Kyle: "I might have been playing doctor when I was
six, but it had nothing to do with saving lives."
35. Then we have some French woman dressed in something I would
recommend you NEVER go bowling in, telling Robyn that Patrick is her
lover.
36. When Kyle tells Robyn that his patient has syphilis, even at his
age, Robyn says, "Well, some men never stop," as she glares
at Patrick.
37. No episode would be complete without some form of sexual
exploitation, and this week it's seniors at the nursing home with all
their new and improved drugs, and the sexual diseases that accompany
such promiscuity
38. Aren't you glad you tuned in so you could hear cute little sex
names and phrases like, "my kitty", and "down
there". Whatever happened to "flower box"?
39. And aren't you glad you tuned in so you could see KYLE AND THE
CUCUMBER? That sounds like the title of a children's book.
40. And of course, what episode would be complete without Kyle being
propositioned by one of the seniors. Actually I thought the guy was
hot. It was the best part of the whole episode, especially the look on
Kyle's face.
TOTAL MEDICAL
NONSENSE - Continued from Episode 01
01. HEAD NURSES DO NOT HIRE ORDERLIES. And I don't care what Dr. Ford
expects by the end of the week.
02. Evidently the medical consultant didn't realize that when patients
rip the leads off their body, the monitor should go blooey. At least,
THE MONITOR SHOULD STOP. But Robin pulls all the wires off, and the
monitor keeps going as though she had done nothing.
03. FELLOWS NEVER TELL OFF ATTENDINGS, nor do they try and make them
look stupid. If I were Julian, I'd let Miss Priss know that the next
time she purposely tried to make me look foolish in front of my
students, she'd be out of here in 24 hours. Understand the hierarchy:
Attending, Fellow, Resident, Intern, Medical Student. The truth is
that the REAL hospital community considers this hierarchy sacred, and
people who violate it by being assholes to the people above them,
don't last long, no matter how cute they are. I'd send her packing,
with a letter/email to the people who gave her the Fellowship, and
after I was done, she'd be in all kinds of heavy shit.
04. STERNAL THUMPS DON'T WORK. I know in this case our Hewitt
look-alike was lucky. But take a lifesaving course called
"ADVANCED CARDIAC LIFE SUPPORT CLASS", and they tell you
point-blank not to use external thumps because they are extremely
unreliable.
05. And as long as we're on this subject, even if the thump works,
NOBODY just opens their eyes and starts moving around like nothing
happened. That's ridiculous.
06. INTERNS DON'T GO AROUND LOOKING FOR STUFF TO DO. Interns have
enough on their plate the way it is. And if they do decide they want
to scrub in on something, they ask their attending first. Julian is
right when he says they have no business volunteering for anything.
And when the intern says that it was "slow in the ER", I
would have come down on him like a ton of bricks. "Who in the
hell are you to make the determination of whether it's slow in the ER?
And what happens when a half hour from now it's a madhouse, but you're
too busy volunteering up here?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
07. HOSPITALS DON'T ALLOW INTERNS AND ATTENDINGS TO BE RELATED. This
whole thing is ludicrous. Can you image how much liability the
hospital would set itself up for if it allowed interns to be taught by
their relatives? For example, it's one thing when they hate each
other, but let's look at the opposite situation. Let's suppose the
brothers really liked each other. The rest of the people in the
program would CONSTANTLY be going to the administration complaining
that the attending was once again showing favoritism to his brother.
There's no way a hospital would do this.
08. NO ONE GETS A BP IN 5 SECONDS. If you watch carefully, you'll see
that they put the little girl down, Epiphany doesn't even put the cuff
on, and in 5 seconds or less Epiphany is saying she can't get a blood
pressure. OF COURSE YOU CAN'T.
09. The we have Patrick screaming for blood. How's he going to get the
blood into her WHEN THERE'S NO IV?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
10. When the EMT on the job makes more medical sense in ten seconds
than the whole show has for over a year, you know you've got to revamp
something.
11. SHUT UP, ROBYN. IT IS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO INTUBATE SOMEONE
WHEN THEY'RE SEIZING. Who in the hell is the medical consultant on
this program anyway?
12. On the other hand, that was an excellent explanation of an
intercranial shunt.
13. No matter how cool it is for television to have Patrick operating
on Robyn's father, that would never be allowed in a big city hospital.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
14. Epiphany is worried about whether the nurses plugged in THE
defibulator.
. Contrary to popular opinion, you do not live at the
hospital. What do your nurses do when you're not there?
. STOP ACTING LIKE YOUR NURSES ARE STUPID. You are
ultimately responsible for their training and performance. Didn't you
train them properly? If you're that worried about them, that doesn't
say much for you.
. You said THE defibulator. Are you telling me that GH
has ONLY ONE defibulator in the whole hospital?
15. Chiefs-of-Staff do NOT do MRIs. In fact, doctors do NOT do MRIs.
High trained specialists do MRIs. Having a doctor do an MRI is like
having one of my cats do it.
16. ROBYN WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO BE HER FATHER'S DOCTOR.
17. Kyle, let me introduce you to HIPAA and yet another HIPAA
violation. Just because someone comes in and claims to be from the
same nursing home as a current patient of yours, that DOES NOT GIVE
YOU THE RIGHT to volunteer that that man is there being treated.
18. The lobby of the ER is NOT the place to hold a sex class. Welcome
to another HIPAA violation because now everyone in that lobby knows
these people's private medical business. Just because your patients
seem to be having fun, doesn't mean their rights aren't being
violated.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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01.
So
let me get this straight: Blondie was an art student who didn't want
to be in art classes with the guy she broke up with. So what does she
do? She decides to get into organic chemistry and biology and all
those boring pre-med classes. From painting nudes, to cutting them
open, eh? How insulting.
@ It's insulting to all the people who have slaved over organic chem
etc., because that's what they wanted to do for a living.
@ It's insulting to all the doctors who busted their asses in these
courses.
@ It's especially insulting to all the people who tried so hard to get
into med school, or stay there, and just weren't able to cut it.
I'm sure all these people are happy to see their efforts portrayed as
something even art majors can do without major trauma.
02. So let me get
THIS straight: Some blonde bimbette, wearing something I definitely
would NOT go bowling in, comes into the ER thinking it's a bank, slugs
Patrick, and starts going on about how he IS her lover. AND ROBYN
BELIEVES THIS CRAP? Robyn, you idiot, this woman says Patrick IS her
lover, not that he WAS her lover. And since you occupy 100% of the
man's time when he isn't cutting into people's heads, just when did he
even GET the time to have another woman on the side?
03. Thank you,
Patrick, for not taking Robert Scorpio’s bait. I thought I’d have
to endure yet another one of those stupid talks, where you let people
walk all over you. Ignore Scorpio, or tell him to mind his own
business. And, just as an aside, you can ask him who he’s REALLY
talking about: you or him.
04. Epiphany, let
me tell you a story. Many years ago there was a man who took a shine
to me, and he took me to some of the most wonderful restaurants in New
York. This was decades ago, so most of you out there will have no idea
what I'm talking about. Today, women are very independent, and
frankly, I have no idea what you women think is cool and impressive.
But years ago, here's what you did if you were a man. You took your
lady to an exclusive restaurant. You could tell how ritzy it was
because THE WOMAN'S MENU HAD NO PRICES. Women were always worried
about eating too much and spending too much of a man's money. This
eliminated that from consideration. And because women tried not to eat
much, the man would also order for the woman, to let her know she
didn't have to be careful. In those days, the best, most expensive
thing you could order was steak for two. Okay, so times have changed.
Toussaint didn't realize that. He was still back in those old days
when ordering for a lady showed her you cared for her, and didn't want
her to feel like she had to starve herself.
So Epiphany, what the hell is the matter with you? You have so little
self-esteem (proved by when you said to Toussaint, "I can't
understand why a man like you would be interested in a woman like
me") that when he tried to be gallant and caring, you embarrass
the hell out of him. Don't take your lack of self-esteem out on him.
You made terrific sense when you told him all you wanted was the man
and not the glitz. Too bad you couldn't have said that without
treating him like crap first.
05. Here are some
things doctors say that make me crazy:
@ "You have a wonderful child";
@ “I’d like to run more tests”;
@ “Many kids with ASD grow up to have healthy, productive lives.”
@ “Could I speak to you outside, please?”
When people start talking like this, you KNOW you're in trouble.
06. WELL, JAGGER
JUST BECAME JAGOFF AGAIN. How stupid can you be? Robyn’s going to
talk to Saira, and Saira’s going to blab what’s going on with
Stone because she can’t seem to ever keep her mouth shut. Then Robyn
is going to know you’re lying – again. And you’re an FBI Agent?
Ya, and I’m the Virgin Mary. If you don’t want to talk about what
Saira said, then tell Robyn you don’t want to talk to her right now,
and leave. Why make up such a dumb story?
07. And while
we’re on the subject, let me give you a piece of advice: LEARN TO
LIE BETTER OR GIVE IT UP. You were about as believable as I would be
playing quarterback for the Colts.
08. The other
thing that bothers me about Jagoff is that I refuse to believe that
anyone who is in such denial about his kid doesn't have that rub off
on his job. As an FBI agent, he has to be open to all possibilities.
If he approaches his job the way he reacts to his son's medical
problems, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. It is not
accurate to assume that Jagoff can't handle his son's medical
problems, but he has no difficulty handling similar problems in his
job.
09. Frenchie’s
sister walks into the examining room, says she’s been worried sick,
and tells her to get up so they can go home. And PATRICK IS ALLOWING
THE PATIENT TO GET UP, talking about steroids and stuff. THIS WOMAN
THINKS SHE’S IN FRANCE, AND YOU’RE ALLOWING HER TO JUST GET UP AND
LEAVE? You don’t even call for a psych consult? And don’t forget,
this is BEFORE she stops being able to hear. This is BEFORE she’s
diagnosed with Susac’s Syndrome.
10. Robyn goes to
daddy and insists that they set ground rules. AND WHY? Because Robyn
is treating her FATHER, WHICH SHE HAS NO BUSINESS DOING.
Please keep in
mind we don’t know who Stone’s mother is. The scuttlebutt is that
people want the kid’s mother to be Brenda. What do you think?
Unfortunately, while the idea might have some merit, it would never
work because everyone wants to see Brenda fucking Sonny and Jax, and
probably Jason, to whom she was actually married. Her having a kid
would really put a crimp in that story.
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